Found this site through a friend's site.  If you'd like to contribute to my Johari Window, please click here.

Namaste. 

"Desire is the source of grief." - Vidura

About a year ago we lost my mother.  Lost.  As if she went someplace and we were not able to find her.  She had been right there, in her ICU bed, dialysis catheter in place.  Monitor pads attached to her chest.   Her body was skinny.  Hollowed out by the invading cancer cells. All but her eyes, which communicated her spirit and her overwhelming intelligence to her last moment.  She was almost not there, but there nonetheless.

She'd always wanted to be thin.   

Before we knew;  before she saw the yellow tinge in her eye, she'd been on the Atkins diet.  She was so happy.  She'd lost a few pounds.  She thought it was the diet.

"Wow.  I've found a diet that really works."  Yes, that diet found her.  Found, by pancreatic cancer.

It was three years ago today it found her. And now, she's lost.  

But is she?

My niece, Sophia, lover of all things Dora the Explorer, imitates Swiper the Fox, one of the characters on the show.   Swiper teaches Sophia (and any other child) that if she does not want someone to find something, she can simply throw it up in the air over her shoulder, and shout "you'll NEVER find it NOW!"

Of course, we smart adults know that the thing is on the floor behind our precious child. We smart adults could find it whenever we wanted to.

But when it comes to death, to losing someone we love, we are all fans of Swiper the Fox.  They're gone.  Lost.  Gone is our status of smug smart grown-up.  We're all two years old.  We don't think to look over our shoulders.  We'll never find them now.

The Kahunas of Hawaii believe that each time we touch someone we love, it creates a thread between us.  A physical attachment.  A trail of breadcrumbs.  

Why don't we think to follow that trail?  Why won't we tug on those threads?

Swiper and his pals have been working overtime these past few weeks.  At least five people for whom I care very much have lost a loved one. 

J and S lost fathers, both suddenly.  One died almost instantly after he received a dose of a chemotherapeutic agent for his lung cancer.  The other, in his sleep. 

L and P lost children not yet born.  Just shadows on an ultrasound.  But there were many threads there.  Big breadcrumb trails.

MT lost one dear friend. Too young he was found by cancer.  Too young he is lost. "He leaves a void that is indescribable."

We'll never find them now.

But really, it's just the Swiper trick.  They're right here.  They're attached to us by the threads of our countless touches and innumerable shared laughs.  Even though we've thrown them up over our shoulders and have said the magic words,  they're not lost.

We can't lose them because they are right behind us.  Right there... can't you see?

Namaste.