Today, after many months of looking, negotiation, heartache and headache, my sister and her family are going to close on their new house.

My niece is very excited to have her own room.  In fact, she's invented a game called "this is my room," using curtains or chairs or whatever is available to make her own space.  Only the select few are invited into her realm.  It's very important to close the door/curtain/sofa cushion behind you.

I've become accustomed to my own space.  Have not had a roommate since college.  My residency call rooms were palaces compared to some;  we had our own room and shared a bathroom with the adjacent room.  Not that we had much time to sleep, but at least we could close the door and be alone if desired.

Makes sense, then, that the purchase of one's own property is called a "closing."  One buys the opportunity to shut others out. One can change the locks and decide who gets a key. 

Obviously, the term comes from the thought of finalizing, or "closing" the deal.  It's natural to be excited for the finish.  We celebrate endings, especially when they mark another beginning. 

Perhaps this is why it's so important to have closure in other things: failed relationships; illness and death; everyday arguments.  We need to close so that we can start again.   With the start comes uncertainty.  Will we be better this time?  Will we succeed in our next goal?  Is this the right house?  Is this the right person to marry?  Should I have given {insert thing here} another chance?  Will I be able to live without {insert person here}?

Some things are easier to close than are others.  For instance, I have been trying to find closure in my last romance for about eight months now.  I wonder if I can't close because I am, impractically, holding out hope that there is a chance for success.  All rational evidence points to "no."  This particular man has failed to follow through on anything he's promised. Yet, the moment I give myself permission to lose hope - to shut the door - he pops up again.  I know my friends are frustrated with me; I frustrate myself!  I want to be able to end this and thus allow myself to start something better, healthier. At the same time I am afraid to do it.

Then I think about my sister's house.  It was not easy.  She was in contract for another house and lost it after a series of random events.  Now she has found a better one.  I hope that same luck finds me.

Namaste. 

Yesterday I met a chef during a ride with the Rotations Cycle Club in Southampton, Long Island. Like me, he's new to the sport.  Like me, he's been riding a lot and has become fitter over the past few months.  In fact, he tells me he's shed about 35 pounds and has just completed his first triathlon.

Then he asks a "medical question."

He asks if I have an explanation for why his libido has diminshed since be began his training.  The devil in his eye, he admits that this change might be for the better.  He admits that his prior libido may have been a little too much sometimes.

During the ride, I cannot think of a medical explanation for this phenomenon.  Hormones?  The effect of the bike seat?  We discuss our training and our goals.  He shares a recipe.

We finish our ride and part ways.  But I can't help but think about his question.  Why, indeed, did his sexual appetite change?  Why has my appetite for food and alcohol changed?   Why do I find myself craving more healthy foods?  Why do I want to retire and rise early, even on the weekends? 

Perhaps our bodies are smarter than we suspect.  As we demand more of them in our athletic pursuits, they demand more of us.  Our appetites change to reflect what we need. And when we are in tune with what we need, we can be a stronger and more efficient machine.  The trick is to listen to this visceral advice.

With food, this makes perfect sense.  Donuts and cheeseburgers do not a triathlete make.  But sex?  One would think that better health would improve or increase libido.  In the case of my new friend, it may be that his prior libido was unhealthy. In the same way his training has caused him to lose excess weight, it has freed him from the weight of unhealthy sexual cravings.  No longer does he feel the need to binge on empty calories. His body has decided to eschew the donuts and cheeseburgers of junk food sex and to instead opt for better, healthier choices.  Now it's up to him to decide whether he wants to listen.

I'm learning a lot from cycling.  Not just technical stuff like when I need to lube my chain and fill my tires.  I'm learning about patience and pacing.  About saving some energy for the end of the ride. About not needing to be first or to win, even though it's fun do perform well.  The gift of cycling (or yoga, for that matter) is in the doing.  The psychic and physical benefits surround that.

Namaste. 

click to enlarge Firemen?

So yesterday I met the Stephens for dinner downtown at Gusto.   After having cycled more than 100 miles up and down mountains on Saturday, I was in the mood for some pasta.

As always, we had wonderful conversation, great food (even though Stephen could likely do better himself!) and a little show and tell.  They had just purchased an antique fire hose nozzle at a shop nearby. What they plan to do with this thing, I do not know. 

What I do know is that it weighs a ton and, aside from it's overt, er, symbolism, it's a fascinating piece of equipment.  Steve filled me in on the various settings used to extinguish a fire or to blow down a door.

Then I began to think about fireman and what drives them.  Sure the very first firefighters didn't have fancy hoses and trucks.  But somehow they felt compelled to lay aside personal safety and rush towards things that were on fire. And I'm sure that early firefighters were: 1) less successful at extinguishing fires, and 2) more likely to be injured or killed.

Firefighters don't make a lot of money.  They aren't in search of the limelight either.  These are truly brave, selfless people.  For sure I would not want to be a firefighter.  I'm scared to death of fire, for one.  But wouldn't it be nice if we all could infuse a little of those firefighter qualities into our own lives?

What if the lawyer decided to work for free for his poorest clients instead of turning them away?  What if the world-famous surgeon, who no longer accepts insurance plans, took on patients despite their financial status and considered only their need?  What if the Deli owner gave out water to elderly or homeless people for free during heat waves?

I'm sure we can all think about something we could do so that little kids would want to be like us.  Why not do it?  Just a little.

Namaste. 

July Fourth weekend at West Point with the New York Cycle Club.  Hats off to Basil, Fred and all who volunteered.  Click here for photos from the weekend.

These are hi res photos.  Kept them this way so as not to lose quality.  Sorry if they bog down your machines.  If you want some web-ready shots, please let me know.

Namaste.